i am unstoppable

there once was a man from straus
who loved math as much as did gauss
when he got into bed
with his sweet newlywed
he found out he was hung like a mouse.

there once was a woman from matthews
who had the most fabulous shoes
though she had lovely sneakers,
her conscience was weaker
and she often succumbed to the booze

there once was a man from lionel
who, in height, did more than excel
when he came home from school
he bumped his head like a fool
and with his face on the floor gave a yell

there once was a whore from canaday
who only did guys that were gay
when she finished them all
she was ashamed and appalled
and then she moved right on to grays

there once was a man from mass hall
and he loved backward caps of baseball
"please?" he said with grace
and got slapped in the face
now thats what i'd call a foul ball.